Family: The Realization.

"The family is one of nature's masterpieces." --George Santayana

Growing up, I was told that family is and should always be number one; that when no one else is there to pick you up when you are down or forgive you for the unforgivable, your family will be. Despite being told rather continuously, I did not always appreciate that truth that it encompassed.

As a young child, and even into adulthood, I tended to have a bad temper and become extremely irrational when upset. When I was younger and was told that something would not go my way, I would break out into tears, stomping my foot and demanding that I get what I want. This, of course, was unreasonable and my parents recognized “the more they lavished their care upon her…the more drooping she became” (1040). If they were to dote on me after such a temper tantrum, I would continue acting in this inhumane and completely ridiculous manner. Hence, they would refuse to give, and I would often wind up in a foul mood without getting what I wanted.

Of course, as the years passed, my reactions to these types of situations changed. I went through a stage, like many do, when I did not think of the way I was treating my parents and took everything for granted. I would let my temper get the best of me and yell hurtful things to my parents, things I am forever sorry for saying. I would then watch them, their “faces were as if masked, like masked dancers in a supernal drama, for the thought in their eyes was not of this world” (1061). Their minds spun as they tried to understand how I had come to be able to say those things to them. But no matter what I ever said or how hard I stomped my foot,
when I grasped how wrongly I acted and was ready to apologize, they were always there with a lecture but still a big huge waiting for me.

Years passed and I began to realize the importance of my family. I developed extremely strong bonds with my siblings and parents as well, sharing more about my life and coming to appreciate the greatness that defines our family. My family never was separated or distant, even when I would have my outbursts, but without the outbursts, I found that we could be even more close-knit.

This past July, my mother’s sister and my aunt, Aunt Nanci passed away after a year and a half long battle with cancer. It began in her liver and by the time they caught it, it had begun to spread to her lungs. Eventually, she had surgery to remove the cancer, but the recovery was long and hard and in the end, she lost the battle. It was during this time that the meaning of family was truly emphasized and demonstrated very clearly.
After Aunt Nanci found out about her illness, my grandpa, her father, was diagnosed with Lymphoma and my grandma, her mother, with breast cancer. It seemed that we had been dealt and unfair hand were stuck with an unreasonable amount of suffering.

My mom had always been extremely close to her parents, calling them to chat every single night. After Nanci got sick, my mom talked to her every day as well. Often times, Nanci “spoke with great spirit and determination” (1068), but there were days when she could do nothing but cry, too weak to get out of bed, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day. My mom was there for Nanci through all of it, from the day she was diagnosed till the day she passed away, holding Nanci’s hand in the hospital bed while she allowed her body to let go.

When I found out about my aunt’s death, I was in a state of shock. I had known her illness was worsening and that chances of her survival were very slim, however it wasn’t until a while after her death that it all hit me. I “lay still a moment collecting [my] thoughts” (1069) and grasped the reality that I would never again go to Nanci’s house on one of my visits to Ohio and see her moving briskly about the kitchen, making cookies and goodies for anyone who passed through. I would never go shopping on a cold winter day, or to lunch at J. Alexander and then to a movie. Or to see her beautiful horse and watch the joy spread through her body as she brushed his mane and fed him treats. She was gone…forever.

As tough as it was for all of us to deal with my aunt’s death, it has brought our entire family much closer and highlighted the importance each of us is in the others’ lives.
I have grown up a lot the past few years in a number of ways, from putting a damper on my temper to being able to deal with “the sense of freedom” (1069) that I have in college, to being able to deal with the truly difficult emotions that come along with losing someone close to you. Going to UT rather than Michigan, I am able to remain close to my family and see them regularly, and I always remember that no matter what, “family preceded anything else” (Charlotte Bealle).