“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.”
–Anne Frank

I feel nature first became important to me when I lived in the south of France in 1998. Our house was positioned high on a hill with a beautiful wheat field swaying beside. Our backyard consisted of a forest, home of twisting trails and a variety of plants and animals, including a wild hog. In the middle of the forest, there was a clearing of green grass, the floor of the clearing scattered with leaves and acorns, the sunlight shining through. In this special place, we felt the “need to roam so far afield” (618) and discover what was just beyond our reach. Now, I was 9 years old at the time and but still, the “nature” of the place enthralled me.

Since arriving at UT, the quote by Anne Frank has become far more meaningful and applicable to my life. I have begun to explore nature even more in my everyday life. Studying, as expected, has taken up the majority of my time thus far and continues to be a main component of my day. Because of this, I find it important to discover a variety of places where I am comfortable studying.

As discussed in previous RDBs,

I took time “to explore [my] campus home” (748) and discover the places UT had to offer. I found the tower library, a quite sanctuary with just enough natural light to bring a smile to your face yet serene enough to seriously work. I have also taken a liking to the Texas Exes center where I find a nice couch to work at, and sometimes nap on. I had not, prior to our lunch date, discovered the peaceful area behind the Texas Exes Center. As we followed the beaten path behind the building, with the trees beside us, I felt my worries wash away. The closer we came to the creek, the more peaceful it felt.

Once there, I had to quickly leave, but Professor Bump required that I hug the statue of “Mama” (as he referred to it). As silly as I must have looked, I feel it was quite an interesting way of connecting with the area, with the time. The statue has been there for years and years and has stood and looked up hundreds of students as they relax near the creek, eating, studying, talking. As I hugged the “Mama” it was like I was being connected with all of the other people who had hugged her or simply sat in her presence.
I look forward to sitting in her presence again, maybe 4 years from now, and remembering my freshman year, my first time there, and the impact it had on me.

Who's The Loyal One?

The idea of loyalty is common throughout the Ramayana, demonstrated in a variety of different characters. We discussed in class who would be the most loyal character in the story and the debate was down to either Sita or Rama. This sparked a thought in my mind: who would be the most loyal person in my life?

From a young age, I was told that my family would always be there to support me. When the rest of the world turned their backs on me, I knew that there was always a hug and a kiss waiting for me at home. However, this did not convince me. Purely words do not account for the days and weeks and years of experience that many go through to gain their current understanding of the world. In elementary school, I had one best friend. Her name was Caroline Weidemann and we were inseparable. We spent days and nights together, playing on the playground, having slumber parties, going to the stores with our moms. We loved each other and wanted to spend as much time together as we could.

At that age, family was extremely important. I really cared about Caroline, but in the end, my family came first. When I moved to San Antonio, I missed her desperately. We would talk daily, and I would tell her all about my new life in Texas, which was far different from my life in Louisiana. She finally came to visit over Christmas break, and as much as things were wonderful before, they were entirely different now. The connection we once had was lost, our ideas and opinions changed, new friends had been woven into our lives and the old friendship had been forgotten in a sense. I was devastated. I wished for things to be back to the way they were. It was then that I went to my family for comfort and support. They assured me that the new friends I was sure to make in Texas would become more to me than Caroline was. And I trusted them.

Years later, after forming friendships with a group of 4 girls, Kellie, Keriann, Sara and Amanda, I began having “girl drama” with them. Kellie, who I had previously been very close to, was finding ways to leave me out of group activities and talk about me to my other friends. I tried “to remedy the situation” (1078), but the agonizing pain I felt from being left out continued. Once again, I went to my parents and talked to them about it. For a while, I would come home daily, upset and hurt by the things my “friends” would say to me or talk about. I couldn’t imagine how girls could be so cruel and why they would act that way to me.

I knew that “it was [their] duty” (1058) to take care of me and provide the necessary means for me to survive, but my parents went beyond the requirements of parental duty. They were mentors, friends, counselors, and cared for me like no one else had ever done. Through these times of struggle, as well as many others, I learned that my parents really are the most loyal human beings in my life, my pillars of strength, by source of hope that things will get better. With Thanksgiving just around the corner, we all find ourselves wondering what we are thankful for. I have a wonderful life, great friends, an abundance of opportunities and resources to be successful in whatever I take on. On top of this, I have the best, most loyal family and parents in the entire world! And for that, I am thankful.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

As mentioned by Margaret and Charlotte, the women in “Ramanyan,” “As You Like It,” and many other popular tales, there is a few common molds that most of the women fit into. Whether they are “loyal, weak, foolish, [or] clever” (Margaret Clemens), they somehow fit into the one of the general categories. In “As You Like It,” Rosalind plays quite an interesting role as she poses “as Ganymede” (1078) and “talks at length with Orlando about his true love” (1078) who happens to be her. Believing that the person who he is talking to really is a man, Ganymede, Orlando pours his heart out and ponders the idea of professing his love to Rosalinda. I think this interaction touches on a very prevalent and problematic part of society: the inability to honestly and openly express ones feelings.

Just as Orlando first confided in “Ganymede,” many men and women in today’s society are unwilling and unable to bluntly demonstrate their true emotions. I will bring this is a little to a personal level. A very close friend of mine, we shall call her Hope (short for hopelessly-head-over-heels), is and has been completely infatuated with my other friend, Not (short for Not-really-interested). We all met early in the year and our friendship started to grow. Living in the same hall, it wasn’t long before we were spending lots of time together and truly bonding. In the meantime, Hope and I had become best friends. We connected and found ourselves spending hours and hours a day together. As hope and I were getting closer, Hope was also getting a lot closer to Not. It was then that she started telling me how “adorable” he was and “so funny and smart.” To her he “was superb in the pearl light, lustful and proud…glorying in the night” (1044). This persisted for weeks on end, and is in fact, still persisting. Anyway, they began spending lots of time together, sitting in the study room till ungodly hours doing nothing but pretending to study while constantly finding ways to flirt with each other.

Now, you would think that after weeks and weeks of this, it would condense into something and a deeper relationship would begin to form. Wrong. You could say I served as the diary, Hope pouring her thoughts and emotions onto my pages, telling me everything that she didn’t want anyone else to know about her feelings for this special boy. In an attempt to stop this madness, the inability for her to simply tell him of the feelings she was having or vice versa, I decided to consult Not’s roommate, Ins (short for knowing-the-inside-story). Nonchalantly, I questioned Ins about Not’s feelings, expressing my shock at the amount of time the two them spent together. Ins quickly dismissed my observation that a relationship may be in he works with the statement, “No, he doesn’t like her. I am 100% sure. He doesn’t think she’s pretty enough for him.” I was completely taken aback. How could Not spend this much time with Hope, his actions practically proclaiming that he was interested in her, to then have absolutely no intention of pursuing anything?

I didn’t know what to do. On the one hand, I saw how much Hope liked Not and I didn’t want to break her heart but telling her of the news I had heard. But on the other hand, I wanted to spare her weeks and weeks and hours and hours of time she would spend with him in hope of becoming something more. What if Ins was wrong? What if Not just didn’t tell Ins his real feelings? There was no way to be sure…unless of course Not was honest and open about his feelings. Which leads me back to the initial problem, the inability to express emotions.

Had the two been open about intentions from the beginning, I would currently not be spending hours each night listening to Hope tell me all of the cute things Not did that day, Hope may have met a nice, new boy and been more open to getting to know him, and we would all be getting to bed much, much earlier.

Brigham Young once said that “Honest hearts produce honest actions.”
Perhaps Not truly does care about Hope, justifying the time he spends with her. Or perhaps his actions are dishonest and deep down, he wants nothing more than a friendship. Whatever the case, the situation would be far less complicated if we could speak honestly to one another and convey our feelings outside of the cloud that seems to define relationships. Once we can do that, we will find our time is spent much more wisely and we will be truly happy.

Family: The Realization.

"The family is one of nature's masterpieces." --George Santayana

Growing up, I was told that family is and should always be number one; that when no one else is there to pick you up when you are down or forgive you for the unforgivable, your family will be. Despite being told rather continuously, I did not always appreciate that truth that it encompassed.

As a young child, and even into adulthood, I tended to have a bad temper and become extremely irrational when upset. When I was younger and was told that something would not go my way, I would break out into tears, stomping my foot and demanding that I get what I want. This, of course, was unreasonable and my parents recognized “the more they lavished their care upon her…the more drooping she became” (1040). If they were to dote on me after such a temper tantrum, I would continue acting in this inhumane and completely ridiculous manner. Hence, they would refuse to give, and I would often wind up in a foul mood without getting what I wanted.

Of course, as the years passed, my reactions to these types of situations changed. I went through a stage, like many do, when I did not think of the way I was treating my parents and took everything for granted. I would let my temper get the best of me and yell hurtful things to my parents, things I am forever sorry for saying. I would then watch them, their “faces were as if masked, like masked dancers in a supernal drama, for the thought in their eyes was not of this world” (1061). Their minds spun as they tried to understand how I had come to be able to say those things to them. But no matter what I ever said or how hard I stomped my foot,
when I grasped how wrongly I acted and was ready to apologize, they were always there with a lecture but still a big huge waiting for me.

Years passed and I began to realize the importance of my family. I developed extremely strong bonds with my siblings and parents as well, sharing more about my life and coming to appreciate the greatness that defines our family. My family never was separated or distant, even when I would have my outbursts, but without the outbursts, I found that we could be even more close-knit.

This past July, my mother’s sister and my aunt, Aunt Nanci passed away after a year and a half long battle with cancer. It began in her liver and by the time they caught it, it had begun to spread to her lungs. Eventually, she had surgery to remove the cancer, but the recovery was long and hard and in the end, she lost the battle. It was during this time that the meaning of family was truly emphasized and demonstrated very clearly.
After Aunt Nanci found out about her illness, my grandpa, her father, was diagnosed with Lymphoma and my grandma, her mother, with breast cancer. It seemed that we had been dealt and unfair hand were stuck with an unreasonable amount of suffering.

My mom had always been extremely close to her parents, calling them to chat every single night. After Nanci got sick, my mom talked to her every day as well. Often times, Nanci “spoke with great spirit and determination” (1068), but there were days when she could do nothing but cry, too weak to get out of bed, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day. My mom was there for Nanci through all of it, from the day she was diagnosed till the day she passed away, holding Nanci’s hand in the hospital bed while she allowed her body to let go.

When I found out about my aunt’s death, I was in a state of shock. I had known her illness was worsening and that chances of her survival were very slim, however it wasn’t until a while after her death that it all hit me. I “lay still a moment collecting [my] thoughts” (1069) and grasped the reality that I would never again go to Nanci’s house on one of my visits to Ohio and see her moving briskly about the kitchen, making cookies and goodies for anyone who passed through. I would never go shopping on a cold winter day, or to lunch at J. Alexander and then to a movie. Or to see her beautiful horse and watch the joy spread through her body as she brushed his mane and fed him treats. She was gone…forever.

As tough as it was for all of us to deal with my aunt’s death, it has brought our entire family much closer and highlighted the importance each of us is in the others’ lives.
I have grown up a lot the past few years in a number of ways, from putting a damper on my temper to being able to deal with “the sense of freedom” (1069) that I have in college, to being able to deal with the truly difficult emotions that come along with losing someone close to you. Going to UT rather than Michigan, I am able to remain close to my family and see them regularly, and I always remember that no matter what, “family preceded anything else” (Charlotte Bealle).

Strenght and Honesty in Many Forms

I really enjoyed the LBJ museum and all of the exhibits that it is composed of. I found that most of the people documented in the museum were known for positive contributions to society. There were the few people and time periods that were known for negative things, such as the man who shot John F Kennedy and the time when slavery was legal, but the majority were upstanding citizens and times of success and progress. When I began looking around the museum, I came across the first exhibit of Lyndon Baines Johnson and his family. I found it fascinating that his grandpa expected “him to be a US Senator before the time he was forty.” Amazing!

Being a first child and a brother to two sisters, I can imagine that LBJ had quite a bit of pressure put on him to perform well in all that he did. I admire that he was able to step and do so, despite the odds he came across.
lady_bird_johnson.jpg" border="0" alt="" />It is also very inspiring to know that he participated in fun things such as being a leader in camp activities at Southwest Texas. I am very involved in leadership camps so it is nice to know that one can spend time doing those kinds of things and still be successful in the long run. From being the Texas State Director of National Growth Administration to a Congressman and Senator to an Officer in the US Naval Reserve, he was about as well rounded as it gets. His lovely wife, Claudia Johnson, most commonly known as Lady Bird, was adorable and very bright as a child.

Growing up, Lady Bird didn’t have as many great opportunities as LBJ did and many other children. She learned most things from her Aunt Effie and did not live her childhood in a typical manner. Many people who have hard childhoods come out of it in very bad shape, whether extremely angry at all of those who hurt them or certain that their lives are not worth living and they have messed up to a degree that is unfixable. She failed to live life that way. Rather, she attended the University of Texas at Austin, majoring in History and Journalism. Once LBJ become involved in politics, she too became very involved in many things, including the Senate Auxiliary Events.




Lady Bird leads me into what I found to be the most interesting and tear-jerking exhibit of the entire museum: John F Kennedy’s assassination.
When you enter the exhibit, a tape begins to play, one of Lady Bird Johnson speaking about Kennedy’s death and the events that led up to it. Listening to the honesty and sadness in her voice pulled at my heart and my eyes swelled up with tears. I admire that Lady Bird was able to be so honest about her feelings and portray those feelings in such a way to others. It takes a strong man, LBJ to step up as President of the United States after such a tragedy, but he could not do this without a strong wife right beside him, supporting him all the way.

After Kennedy was assassinated, Jackie, his wife,
wrote a very heartfelt note to LBJ, thanking him for taking over the position and being such a source of support during the hard times. She also asks that some of Kennedy’s things remain in his office the way he would have liked them to be. Once again, tears filled my eyes as I imagined a widowed Jackie sitting at her desk writing the hardest letter she would ever have to write. Her strength to continue and positive outlook are extremely impressive and honorable.

Overall, many of those depicted serve as positive role models in my mind and I would gladly emulate many of the characteristics they possess. It is through people such as these that our city, our state, our country, and our world can grow and become powerful and united.

Nature's Own

"Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you."
-Frank Lloyd Wright

Coming to the University of Texas at Austin, I had a pretty good idea of what my life would be like…or so I thought. I pictured myself getting up for class with the sun shining through my window. I would have a nice breakfast as I listened to music and packed my bags. Walking to class, I would enjoy the beautiful day that I was about to take on, thinking about how fabulous it is to be at a school like UT.

All of my predictions were not incorrect. However, they were not all correct either, by any means.

On a typical day, I wake up and sit in bed quietly, wolfing down a bowl of Special K cereal before hoping up to prepare for the day. I then scramble through my drawers, keeping the music off the noise down to ensure I don’t wake my sleeping roommate. Blurry eyed, I make it to the bathroom and proceed to brush my teeth, throw my hair up, and jam my contacts into my eyes, racing through the process and rushing out of the door. I hurry to class, speaking briefly with my parents, beginning to ponder the enormous amount of work I have to do. This reality of my life is quite different than I had pictured it.

Another major difference is the mental state I have taken on since beginning school. Yes, I heard college was hard. But how hard could it be? That question was answered when I bombed my first Chemistry exam after attempting to cram it all in last minute, “notebook after notebook” (738) full of information I failed to remember, the way I did in high school. But “how do I anticipate coping with such pressures that reality imposes on me?” (Julie Chang). And on came the stress…

And with the stress came the need to study…a lot. Luckily, I found a variety of places that suited me quite well. One was the library in the Tower, located on the second floor. The silence of the room beckoned me to study, sunlight streaming in to shimmer on the faces of the diligent students sitting and working for hours. Outside, the gardens beneath me served as a sort of fortress protecting me from the outside world, keeping those unwilling to study out of the area. The green grass and bellowing trees created a very serene environment. I felt at peace as I sat in the large, cozy chair tucked inside this great Tower.

After staying inside many days studying, I decided the weather had become mild enough to enjoy the outdoors. I chose a nice spot in the six-pack near the Tower gardens. I even went as far as bringing a towel to sprawl out on and plenty of study materials to last me the afternoon. By this time of the year, the stress had begun to accumulate and the walls of the PCL were not very inviting. The grass and gardens seemed to be the perfect place. As I sat on my towel, I saw “all kinds [of people] come through the [garden] and come at all times” (732). I was getting a broad view of the diversity this campus possesses. There were athletes, punks, intellects, professors, fraternity and sorority members, and everything in between. The campus belonged to me; I knew it better than anyone else did at that moment as I observed its many components. Occasionally I would “break off and acknowledge the pleasant greetings of people when [they] passed,” (731) but for the most part, I was in my own serene and peaceful world.

Like Margaret, when visiting the Taniguchi Gardens, “I grasped with visceral reaction a sense of inner harmony. I struggle to reconcile these two worlds: one filled with daunting yet necessary responsibility, and the other a place of undulated appreciation and conciliation” (Margaret Clemons). I wanted so badly to sit and enjoy the wind rustling the bushes, the fish swimming through the pond, the light peaking through the trees. I knew, however, that I had work to do and to simply enjoy would not be using my time wisely. Sometimes, it is necessary to put all work to the side and live in the moment, live in the garden, live through nature. It is truly special and precious when we can combine, hammer, if you will, our desire to be in nature with our need to be productive. This is when we truly can stand out while remaining calm and grounded.

Nature and the outdoors do amazing things when used in the right way. I find myself to be more relaxed and at peace with my reality and everything required of me when I am outside, whether laying on a towel in the gardens or sitting at a table on the Starbucks porch. Going into this next week, I have a tremendous amount of work to be done, however I know that with nature on my side and the power of relaxation, I will be able to get through it successfully and with as little stress as possible.